Vivinavi : Vancouver : (Canada) Vancouver

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• 2024/07/15 14:20

Nice to meet you. I am currently 44 years old. I moved here last February to marry an American man. He is 8 years younger than me. Including our dating period, we have been together for about 5 years. We talked about breaking up many times during our relationship. （ From me ） That is he is arrogant, does not bend his opinion, justifies himself, does not admit fault, makes me look bad. He says everything as if it is my fault. His excuses are too childish, etc. But I'm not perfect either, and we have different cultures and values, so I had to break it many times at first.

I was in business in Japan for 10 years. I worked alone for 10 years in Japan, never depending on anyone. Then came Corona, business slowed down, and at that point I asked ？ if I could come to the US for 3 months to get engaged. I made the decision to close my business because I didn't know what would happen with Corona even if I continued my business, and I knew that if I took 3 months off work, I would lose my job. However, the business loan remained and I am still paying it. I never thought when I started the business that I would meet and marry a foreigner.

Then I moved to Japan last year, but the big change in environment, lack of money, and language barrier caused depression last year and it got worse. No matter how bad my depression got, they wouldn't let me go back to Japan even though I wanted to go back just temporarily.

He is a person who thinks he is the most righteous person, he disrespects me, he does not respect me, and many other things.

He is a person who cannot honestly admit his mistakes, he makes excuses for this and that and blames me for the opposite.

When you are on good terms, don't worry about money. You can save money for your debts or to get a new license in the US. But when you fight, it will be overturned.

"You save money only for you and I share with you"
"You wanted a divorce from the beginning"
"You think nothing of my stress and pressure"
"I don't want you to have my property. I don't want you to take my property away from me," etc. Whenever we fight or I talk about divorce, he says this.

A few months ago he took my feelings into consideration and said, "You can go back to Japan or go to school for your license in the US, either way I will pay for half of the travel expenses you spent in Corona and I will respect you no matter which decision you make. But yesterday, during our fight, he again showed the same lack of respect for me.

I am wondering if he has multiple personalities ？.

And he acts like a victim. How it is my fault, I only want a divorce, in your opinion. He even says that you control me and threaten me by saying so.

I am not controlling at all and every time I say it because I really think divorce would be better.

I'm stupid enough to try to believe you again.
But in the end he wants to control me because he himself is the one who wants me to respect and honor him and be kind to him and always want me to work for him.

Yesterday I said, "You said you would respect my decision. Please abide by it. "I told him about the divorce.

But instead of respecting it, he started criticizing me again.

And even when it came to the money he said he would pay half
of, he added, "Consider the cost of the visa application, the legal fees for the green card ！, etc." After all he doesn't want to pay a penny if we are getting divorced.

He just wants to look good, I am a good man who is devoted and supportive of my wife, very nice on the outside but childish on the inside.

We had another problem earlier this year. I started driving a car he hadn't driven for years after he emigrated.

Then one day the police pulled me over. The police said, "This car is out of insurance and its so-called inspection ？ expired a few years ago."

I was stunned. But his point is
"I hadn't driven it for so many years that I forgot about those things."

It's clear that the insurance is expired if I haven't driven it for years, and I would normally think that he would at least do maintenance on it before letting me drive it, but he ignores things like insurance and inspections, even though maintenance is fine, but he's not letting me drive it on the freeway by myself. That's where I worry that it's not safe. It is completely wrong. Then I received the paperwork regarding the police ticket and thought I was safe because I paid it online, but recently, six months later, I received the paperwork from the court.

"The remaining violation fee is still outstanding".

He contacted the court because he didn't understand what it meant, but as it turned out, the court documents themselves were opaque, but he was also opaque and his excuse for paying was that he had never been through this process before and didn't understand.

If I didn't know, I would go to the court with the documents.

But he didn't the first time. It was like this is probably how it would be. As a result, I'm waiting to hear back from the judge whether my license will expire after one year or last for five years, and it's unclear when that will be.

He has everything taken care of by the company （ his car is provided by the company ） which means he can't do even the most common things himself.

He still says "trust me", but he said the same thing when I got my first ticket and I trusted him, and this is the result.

He's too moral and he's too appropriate, I don't think he'll ever change.